Can I talk to my husband during our divorce?

Legally speaking, you can have any discussions you want with your soon-to-be ex-husband or ex-wife while your case is going forward unless there is an order of protection in place prohibiting contact between the two of you.  If, for example, you have children, you will be interacting with your ex for some time – particularly if your children are young.  They may find it comforting to see you both modeling "adult" behavior in your interactions. 

Can I talk to my husband if our divorce is unfriendly?

Not all divorces are amicable. If yours is not and you use every communication with your ex as an opportunity to vent, there can be consequences – both emotional and legal. Even in the most amicable of uncouplings how and what you communicate to your ex can also have consequences.

Your attorney should advise you to exercise caution in your direct communications with your ex. Why? Because virtually anything the two of you discuss relating to your divorce can be brought up in court. Your spouse could be taping your conversations or recording phone calls – all of which can be used as evidence against you at a trial, should your divorce end up in litigation. 

If we cannot talk, may I email my husband during our divorce?

However you choose to communicate with your soon-to-be-ex, the content of that communication will still be subject to being produced in court (what lawyers call “discovery”). Your attorney or his attorney can ask for your letters/his letters, his emails/your emails, your texts/his texts, evidence of phone conversations, and even social media posts. Any communication/conversation you have with anyone who is not your attorney is subject to discovery and may be used in court. Err on the side of caution. What you say and who you say it to can come back to haunt you if your divorce ends up in court.  Such communications can also impact settlement negotiations.  

Does that mean I can never speak directly with my husband during our divorce?

Of course, you can talk with your spouse during your divorce. Just steer clear of potential exposures. For example:

  1. Your husband just sent you an upsetting email or left you an upsetting voicemail. Save it. But do not respond immediately or even at all. Tell your lawyer. Together you can craft a response that avoids potential consequences.
  2. Not everything requires an immediate response. You can take your time. Talk to your attorney if appropriate. And, in some cases, you may not need to reply at all. 
  3. Set boundaries, like no phone calls or texts before 8 am or after 8 pm. Tell your husband that barring a real emergency, you will respond within a reasonable timeframe.
  4. Avoid social media during your divorce. Above all, do not post anything about your social life (especially dating) that could trigger a hostile response or delay the resolution of your case.
  5. Be cordial. Be civil. Do not shout, do not call him names, or say anything else that could trigger an inappropriate reaction from your spouse. Do not win a single battle only to lose the war. Keep the end goal in sight – signing your divorce papers. 

What if I never want to speak to my husband during our divorce?

You do not have to speak to your husband if you don't want to. Sometimes your ex is so antagonistic, your relationship so adversarial, or there is a restraining order in place that the best course of action is to communicate exclusively through your attorney. 

Above all, exercise restraint and discretion. If you have questions or concerns about whether or not you should be speaking to your ex, let's talk. I'm Dan Stock, and you can call me at 475-232-4105 or email me at to schedule a consultation. 

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